It is the time of the year where we bid adieu to our Sunday trips to the local outlet malls and Bed, Bath and Beyond. Where, as men, we stop our tofu and salad diets in the name of our loved ones who are repulsed by our manly guts, and turn the grill up to happiness. No more flavored waters, playing cards with the in-laws or going to the zoo with your kids- no, my fellow men, it is Football season. It is the dawning of imported German sausage links, cheap-hardcore domestic manly beers (ok, maybe Light beers, let's be honest, we are a little fat), and the most destructive hard hitting American game filling our heads with fantasy stats, eye-popping hits, and hope for a glorious triumph.
We now must switch gears and fight together as a unit to fend off fancy soaps to focus on Tom Brady's leg! Will he march his Patriots back to the promise land and back in to the leagues elite, or will his revamped defense and spotty offensive line be too many set-backs for one mere myth of a man to overcome? Just say no to hummus and no salt crackers, and instead dig into a gooey, loaded, heart attack inducing, plate of nachos while pondering Michael Vick's role with the chic Super Bowl pick Philly Eagles. Will all his prison rust, PITA stress, and obviously distracting presence be too much for the often disrespected Captain Donovan McNabb to overcome. Will McNabb's ribs, the arrival of Jeff Garcia, the forced nature that Vick's wildcat wet dream possibilities be too much to juggle for Andy Reid- who's real concern should be if he can keep Brian Westbrook healthy against an NFC East which boasts three of the best defensive fronts in the game? I need another Nacho...
You lost all your money in the stock market? Too bad, but is it as bad as losing Jay Cutler in Denver, Terrell Owens in Dallas, or all your fans in Jacksonville? Will Favre's new arm bring glory to the Viking's while riding the back of Adrian Peterson, or will Tony Romo finally break through without the pressure of one of the leagues premier red zone threats? Will Peyton Manning still thrive without Tony Dungy, or will the big AFC story be another sensational rookie quarterback marching his team to playoff success in the face of critical fans everywhere?
While as men, we must now morph back into the grunting beasts we have evolved away from due to years of cubicles, khaki pants and general technological advances- it is once again the time of year to allow ourselves a break from reality into the world of football, where this man will give you your first facts of the season. It will be the Pittsburgh Steelers and the New York Giants in the Super Bowl, and Eli Manning will tie up the ring race with fellow draftee Ben Rothlisberger 27-24 in a classic. Let these facts guide you toward a season of virtue and grunting, and remember, you still must wear a suit and tie to work on Monday- leave the big Flinstones club and leopard garb at home.
See you Sunday!
